Realization
by Sapherra
Summary: A fanfic of how Lily finally realizes she loves James in their seventh year at Hogwarts...read&review please!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

He was panting. It almost hurt to draw breath, but he just had to keep running. Why? He wasn't sure, but all he knew was that at the end of this maze of labyrinthine halls there would be the greatest treasure. He knew that it will have been worth tearing through narrow, dim passages until he could barely stand it. Suddenly, he felt a rush of fearful adrenaline--there was an obstacle ahead! Whatever it was, he mustn't--

Trip.

He landed face-down on the cold stone floor. Gasping, he opened his hazel eyes, finding himself not in a maze of passageways, but in his own bed in Gryffindor tower. His sheets were kicked into a soft mound at the foot of his four-poster bed, and sweat was creeping down the back of his neck as he sat up. The clock on his bedside table displayed 3:42 am. Groaning and pulling his sheets back around him in the cool spring night, James Potter rolled over and drifted off to sleep again.

When it was finally morning, James woke up to his best friend's, Sirius's, voice. "James, mate," he was saying, "you all right? You look dead." He looked at James closely, his brown eyes filled with concern.

"Nah, Padfoot, I'm all right. Don't worry about me," said James, still thinking about his dream. The two of them were in their seventh year at Hogwarts, and this chilly but sunny spring morning brought promise of long-anticipated freedom that was just months away. The uninterrupted expanse of clear blue sky seemed to invite James, Sirius, and their two other friends, Remus and Peter, outside for a late Saturday breakfast by the lake on the sweeping grounds.

Upon walking out into the bright sunshine, carrying piles of toast or English muffins, James immediately spotted Lily Evans, also a seventh-year, at the lakeside. His heart gave a leap, as it always did, when he saw her. Something about those almond-shaped emerald eyes, or that beautiful red hair always cascading about her shoulders and perfectly framing her fair face, or perhaps her unforgettable smile held James' attention.

"Prongs," Sirius said to James, using his nickname and jerking him from his reverie, "What's it going to be this time?" Sirius had lately taken to asking James often what his plans were for getting Lily out on a date. Now Sirius glanced from his friend's face to the lake's edge at Lily. "You know, you could--"

"Sirius, stop giving him advice," said Remus rather loudly and imperatively. And after heeding Sirius's annoyed shush, continued, "He can decide for himself how to attempt to ask her. If I recall correctly, the last eleven or so times you gave suggestions to James, he ended up looking like a real idiot. And that's not even counting the time when you made him--"

"Ok, ok I get the point," said Sirius, putting an end to Remus's lecture. "And you don't have to keep reminding me of 'that time'," he added in a slight undertone and glaring at Remus from under the swoop of shaggy dark brown hair barely covering his almost-perfect facial features twisted in irritation.

But James wasn't listening. He was walking right over to the shore, rather boldly. Before Lily spotted James' tall, dark-haired figure, he rumpled up his hair one last time, more out of habit than anything else. "Hey, Evans," said James in that completely different voice he always used to speak to Lily.

Lily's red-head whipped around, her green eyes looking straight into his own hazel eyes making his insides squirm again. "Oh, it's you," she said coolly, averting her gaze. "So," she continued, in that same tone, her eyes flicking back to James and flashing dangerously, "which fourth-year kid have you been tormenting this time, or was it old Snivelly again?" She waited expectantly for a reply, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot slightly.

James felt a twinge of annoyance, and he frowned. "Nah, just came by to say hey..." His voice trailed off.

"Well, HEY," said Lily. Then, she turned on her heel, her long, red hair brushing James's face angrily, and continued chatting to her friends. It was only after a disappointed James was back with Sirius, Remus, and Peter that Lily looked out unfocusedly across the lake, losing track of the conversation with her friends...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Staring into the distance across the lake at a clump of dark green pine trees at the opposite bank, Lily Evans felt guilty once again about her unfriendliness towards James. She sighed, thinking that next time she spoke to him, she would make an effort to be more friendly. Then, maybe they could get along better, and she wouldn't appear to hate him.

The incident, however insignificant it really was, kept coming back to Lily over the following week. Lily was really hoping for an opportunity to make an effort to talk to James, and to her relief, just such an opportunity arose.

The next Saturday, Lily and her two best friends, Elizabeth and Gwen, strolled out once more to their comfortable lakeside haunt and settled onto the grass to drink the pint of ice-cold pumpkin juice they had brought outside with them.

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw James talking to Sirius in the cool shade of their beech tree, Remus with his nose in some book, and Peter looking out dazedly over the still, clear water. She just continued her animated conversation about the best hair potions. "Sleek Slime works so well!" Gwen exclaimed happily, her normally frizzy brown hair now glistening in the sun as she whipped it around, demonstrating the potion's wonderful effects on her hair. Lily nodded appreciatively.

"No, I think that new stuff called 'Glisten' works really well. You know, they say it's flecked with real diamonds!" Elizabeth squealed. The two other girls "ooh"-ed.

Lily opened her mouth to praise her own favorite hair potion, Golden Gleam Cream with magical fairy dust in it, when she saw on the edge of her vision a tall, lanky, dark-haired someone approaching her group tentatively. To Lily's very great astonishment, she felt her stomach swoop ever so slightly. No, that was just the pumpkin juice. She shouldn't have had so much. She definitely wasn't beginning to have feelings for James. True, she liked him, but only in a friendly sort of way (even if she did have a strange way of showing it...and they had definitely had a great deal of arguments and disagreements in the past, the previous Saturday being an example of one.).

Looking up from her seat on the soft-as-kitten-fur grass at James, Lily attempted a friendly smile. (She couldn't really understand why she liked him as a "friend" when she could honestly only count about four instances over the past two years in which she hadn't made a remark about his terrible jinxing habit and just been nice to him...) "Hi," said James, returning the slight smile, though with perhaps slightly more enthusiasm. "I was just wondering if maybe...you--"

"No thanks," said Lily brusquely, taking even herself aback, though her astonishment at her words was nothing compared to the hardly-concealed look of (once again predictable) injured horror on James' face. He quickly hid his severe (and admittedly expected) disappointment, replacing it with a fully unconvincing look of half-hearted indifference. Shrugging, James turned away, his eyes remaining locked on Lily's until the last second, as though by keeping unbroken the beam of their mutual stare he could force her to change her mind. But after glancing down at her glittering, rosy-pink fingernails, Lily looked up once again to find James trudging away in, to Lily, familiar defeat.

Frowning after James' receding back, Lily was brought back to awareness when Gwen, after a dramatic pause, asked Lily with a raised eyebrow and a small but knowing smile, "So, what's _your_ favorite hair potion?"


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"What d'you reckon's the matter with me?" demanded James furiously for what seemed to Sirius, Remus, and Peter to be the nine-millionth time. James looked over to the lakeside where Lily was still chattering, seemingly unconcernedly, and felt a pang of frustration. Why did Lily always have to reject him? That last time she didn't even let him finish his sentence! What on earth was he supposed to do to impress her? He had been wondering that ever since he had glimpsed her for the first time on the Hogwarts Express during their first year. He had tried to talk to her then, but even as he had stuttered out a 'h-hello' like an eleven-year-old idiot, she had just smirked amusedly before asking him rather impolitely to leave.

Ever since that incident on the train, he had tried to talk to her countless times. He didn't understand what he had to do. All he was certain about was that he knew from that first day that Lily was who he wanted to be with. Lily was the one he loved. Definitely Lily.

But as he thought this, he ran through his confused memory. There were all the times she had laughed at him, ignored him, been rude to him, and even times when she had been downright mean. Every time since that first train ride that he had tried to communicate with her, she had let him down. Rejection. He wondered at all the times he had been its victim--especially with Lily. Every time, he thought he had been more prepared for the 'no', the 'go away', the 'I don't want to speak with you', or even the 'you filthy scum, how dare you breathe my oxygen!!'. But every time it had hurt the same amount, if not progressively more each time. He realized just how much she had hurt him in the past. And glancing over once more at the back of Lily's head of wavy red hair, he felt another happy balloon swell in his stomach, dampened immediately when he thought about her angry face and the impatient gleam in her eyes that told him, even before she spoke, to leave her presence.

He was sick of it. James didn't want to take it anymore. He wasn't going to take it anymore. But there was still that small voice in the back of his head that told him to keep trying. It told him not to give up and to stick with getting her through a civilized (and polite) conversation with him which would hopefully lead to a date and steady relationship. That small voice spoke convincingly of chasing after Lily Evans, the girl who played hardest to get. That he had to run after her if he wanted her. It urged him to find her, speak to her, ask her out.

But this time, the first time in his life, he totally ignored it. James Potter was giving up.

The firm expression in his narrowed eyes and his set jaw made Remus ask, "Prongs, what's that face for?"

"Nothing. I'm giving up."

"What?" yelped Sirius. "What are you talking about?!"

"I'm giving up," said James simply. "Quitting. I'm through. Done."

"Yea, I know what giving up means," said Sirius--James rolled his eyes-- "I'm asking you what you're giving up on. Surely not..." His voice faded, his eyes widening.

James raised his dark eyebrows, glancing over Sirius's shoulder at Lily. Sirius followed James's gaze, landing on Lily's red hair, the bronze clip set in it gleaming in the afternoon sun that was tracing a higher path than last weekend. The fragile rays of the sun seemed cheerful and untroubled, mocking James's frustration at his decision.

Sirius spun back around to look squarely into James's eyes, disbelief etched throughout his face. The meaningful look James shot at Sirius was met by Sirius's sudden bark-like laughter.

"Ha! No way, you're too in love with her!" he roared, giving James a friendly punch on the shoulder and taking his place at James's side along with Remus and Peter. They were also smiling doubtfully at this significant pronouncement.

"Very funny, Prongs," said Remus. "Padfoot? Now you can ask Prongs what his latest plan is to ask Lily out." He smirked in a smug way as though daring James to contradict himself.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but stopped after catching sight of James's annoyed glare.

James suddenly noticed that Sirius's laugh had made Lily and her two friends whip around and stare curiously at the group of them. James observed that, while the girl who was called Elizabeth eyed Sirius with flirtatious interest, the girl named Gwen nudged Lily in the ribs, whispering something through a smile and looking straight at James. This made Lily turn towards Gwen, annoyed, and hiss something before imitating Gwen and also turning to look straight at James.

Catching James's eye, Lily made an attempt at a friendly smile. James could only stare. Why was she smiling? Or has she just received a piece of amusing information from Gwen about him? Girls could be so confusing.

Without pausing to think, James smiled hesitantly back at her, egged on by the voice that was in favor of Lily's pursuit. Slowly, and still unthinkingly, James took a few steps towards Lily. Her shining, red hair. Her radiant, fair skin. Her flushed cheeks in the afternoon sun. Her emerald jewel eyes glinting. Her gentle, rose lips in that small smile. All life seemed to have gone from the world. It was just James and Lily. James and --

"Hey!!" shouted James, staggering backwards. His robes had just been yanked from behind. Sirius seemed to have been guilty of that. "Whawazat for?" James's speech seemed to have been temporarily affected by his short absorption with Lily. Now he was regretting that he ever smiled back at her. That he even looked at her.

Trying to keep from laughing at James's apparent embarrassment in the aftermath of his trance, Remus said, smirking, "Not so easy giving up now, is it?"

"What makes you think that?" demanded James, perfectly aware of his red face. "It wasn't because of her. It's not what you think. I didn't mean to. She just--" He broke off.

Not being able to contain themselves, both Sirius and Remus burst out laughing, joined by a small chuckle from Peter, who seemed to have not been paying much attention. "Prongs, mate, you are so in love with her. Admit it," said Sirius.

James scowled at them. Reluctantly, he said, "Well, that may be true" -- Sirius and Remus smirked again while James's face reddened more deeply and he averted his gaze -- "but she doesn't have to know that anymore. She doesn't care." James's stomach sank at those words. His eyes wandered to the ground in a defeated way. "She doesn't love me."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_-Gasp!- He smiled at me! What am I going to do? Is my hair ok? I better fix it--oh, no, what am I thinking?? I don't love him, the scum. But no, he's a nice guy. I mean, what has he done to me? He just talks to me. And all I do is shoo him away before he can speak...what a pity---no. Must NOT think that. It's more, well, asking for my personal space bubble, yes, that's it. That's exactly it. Ugh, no, it's Gwen again...trying to talk about something all the time._

"What is it?" asked Lily, shooting a confused look at Gwen.

"You like him!!" she squealed in a whisper so that Elizabeth, still trying to catch Sirius's eye, wouldn't hear.

"I do not," retorted Lily, blushing and turning away.

Gwen squealed through her grin again. "You definitely do!! I can tell!" Her smile faltered. "But why?" she wondered aloud, furrowing her brow.

"Shh, I do not like J--" Lily's shoulders slumped as she glared at Gwen. She lowered her voice to a dull hiss and muttered through clenched teeth, "If you tell a soul--"

"All right, all right, I get the point," said Gwen, putting a stop to Lily's threat, but a knowing smile and gleam in her blue eyes were still present.

Lily wasn't conviced, but she wasn't about to put up a fight.

"What? What's going on?" Elizabeth had finally given up trying to meet Sirius's eyes, though it was apparent that she still hadn't gotten enough of an eyeful of his good looks.

"Oh, nothing. Don't worry about it." Gwen smirked at Lily as she said this.

"Whaat?" Elizabeth demanded.

"All right," said Gwen. And before Lily had a chance to open her mouth, Gwen launched into the story of how their friend was suddenly in love with James Potter.

Elizabeth stared open-mouthed at Lily. "Really?" she asked in an incredulous half-whisper. "I thought you hated the guy." Elizabeth looked over her shoulder at the boys huddled near the beech tree, among which were James and Sirius. (Although she may not have been examining James for any certain expressions; her long stare seemed to have been reserved for Sirius.) "I guess he's good-looking." Then, shrugging, she added, "Suit yourself." Though she seemed pleased enough that one of her best friends seemed to finally be in love with someone. At least James mostly got rid of his balloon-head.

Lily gave Elizabeth a sort of exasperated look before rolling her eyes and looking awkwardly away from her two friends. She tried not to look at James, but she found it quite difficult. And she managed. Unfortunately.

Over the next week, Lily still found it harder than usual to pay attention in her classes. Even her potions teacher, Professor Slughorn, seemed to notice something with her; Lily hadn't been performing up to her usual standards in potions class.

"Oho, Miss Evans, what have you there in your cauldron?" he asked her on Monday, chuckling merrily. His fat belly moved in time with the rhythm of his stout laughter. His straw-colored hair was stacked on top of his head in a disorganized manner, however, a large bald spot managed to peek through the back of his hair.

"Oh, sir, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's happened," said Lily, blinking and looking up at her teacher. She had just jerked herself very unwillingly out of her accidental musings about a certain Gryffindor boy who happened to be sitting two tables away from her.

"Well, it certainly seems you haven't been your usual brilliant potion-minded self, have you?" he tisked, shaking a finger at her as though she were a naughty child. He glanced once more at Lily's offending burnt-rubber-smelling potion before turning his back on her and striding away to reprimand Sirius, who appeared to have added the ingredients in reverse order just for the fun of it. She could see Sirius trying not to laugh at his spitting, orange concoction, while the fat professor castigated him.

It happened in a split-second. Sirius caught Lily's eye, Sirius's eyes widened, and he poked the obscured-by-Professor-Slughorn James in his side. Lily could tell that James's head jerked up, causing him to lose concentration of his potion-concocting. James's potion exploded.

There was absolute pandemonium in the potions classroom. When the potion had exploded, it had shot more or less straight up through the stone ceiling, which, thankfully, had not given way. There was only a star-shaped hole that didn't even go all the way through to the floor above. Its edges were firey red. Lily also happened to feel James's gaze on her.

Lily looked down at her potion and realized that it was definitely no good. Coughing, she pulled out her wand and cleared it immediately; Lily couldn't stand the fumes any longer.

Thankfully, there was a minute left until the bell rang, so Lily took the excuse to clear up her work space and gather her books. She tried to ignore James and Sirius talking together those two tables away, but she found it difficult. They kept glancing her way. (Sirius's neon orange concoction no longer glowed in his cauldron. He had finally cleared it.)

To Lily's relief, the bell rang outside the classroom and she dashed away through the corridor and down several flights of stairs. She ended up in the Great Hall for dinner.

"Oh, Lily, what's the matter?" asked Gwen, "You look positively flushed!"

"What? Oh, no, that's nothing," Lily replied, letting her red hair fall over her face to cover her glowing pink cheeks. "Really."

Gwen looked suspiciously at Lily while Elizabeth busied herself in spotting Sirius. "Nothing. Hmmm," said Gwen, still looking at her friend with slightly narrowed eyes.

"No, I'm serious," Lily said earnestly, still making sure her face was hidden enough. "S-someone's potion just exploded last class, that's all."

"Someone, eh? Did that someone happen to have a name that starts with a J, followed by an A --"

"Oh, shut up," snapped Lily, her stomach leaping. "Yes, it was James's potion, all right?"

Gwen smirked. "How. Did. I. Know," she said under her breath, that half-smile still playing on her face.

"Oh drop it, will you? It's no big deal." But the truth for Lily was that it was a big deal. She thought James's potion exploded because of her. Because Sirius had nudged James after catching Lily's eye. That was the only explanation she could think of. But of course, James had liked her for ages. This was not new. So, why did it make her feel that way? And why had James been acting strangely? She decided to let it go. Not think about it.

As always, Gwen gave her one more suspicious smirk before turning to spear a green bean on her fork and ask Elizabeth about her love interests. Or interest. Lily pretended to listen, but didn't really pay attention to, Elizabeth blushing before launching into a hushed monologue that expressed her deep attraction to Sirius. Meanwhile, Lily had this perfect opportunity to dwell on what happened in Potions...


End file.
